dear drew excerpts from a book about god's response about one man's prayers

dear drew,

Your mom has so many dicks going in and out of her that I was double parked on her left butt cheek for an hour.

And that's how god wins, 'yo momma' on MTV.

They call her the Lincoln Tunnel but lets get off your mom cause I just got of yours...

Okay, not my most mature moment as god but, act not like you act but don't want what you got or something like that.

Look, you want to solve world peace be Miss America, you want to help humanity put a dollar in the hands of a cup, you want to change the world...

Change yourself.

"It's called life, don't be stupid though cause when you waste it, you'll know, life is Too $hort."

Oh sorry, this wasn't a prayer response it was how I roll. Pants be saggin, hat to the back, street money, street credit keeps my bank roll fat, I'm god backwards I'm your dog.... loyal, and I fetch but you better catch what I'm savin' best flavoren, is what you are savor'in...

Okay, too much Parrot Bay and Alize but hey that's how you ended up married on a Coors light wedding with boone's farm appetizers.

I'm sorry I forgot I was god almighty and this party starts with water into wine.

Oh, I'm sorry... you needed me but I was too busy getting ducked up, drinking and having a good time?!

!?

It's called an interrobang and yeah, I needed you and you were too busy with that K-Mart slut trying to get that all American slam at Denny's when I called you to free my people.

You need a burning bush? I got one for you it's called clamydia.

Damn it, my spell check says clam-id-iya is not a word. I think an 'h' is in there.

My point... don't call on me in desperation mode and expect me not to be desperate to help, but then again I am, but you are too desperate to want answers; you just want to hear yourself bitch. I mean hear yourself talk.

In other words... don't ask unless you are willing to listen.

-god