Monday, December 3, 2012

The Truth About The Machine

After 16 years and 8 months of solid service I find myself in a daily grind that leaves me empty at the end of ever day. When you invest in the intangible ethics of an institution for a life time you are left with nothing tangible to hold on to.

"If you love something let it go..."

I have let everything I love go... in the name of the institution, for the greater good, for the defense of a nation. I gave up everything I have had for a 30 cent ribbon, for a $3 medal. Some call it honor, courage, commitment and loyalty, sacrifice for those that can not and will not. Some call it...

What I am left with is a disposable life, my house, my family, my possession all are disposable for the greater good. There is no tomorrow, there is no goals beyond the orders that are given. How can I plan for a family when the plan does not include them? How can I plan for a home when my house is just rented time? My children live school year to school year waiting on orders and new zip codes, there is no tomorrow, just new missions and new locations.

There is no rest for the wicked, we live right now right here and tomorrow is a post card of somewhere we haven't been yet. When I was young I lived out of a suit case and it was travel and adventure. But now my suit case is filled with family, possessions, empty promises and broken down goals. The bags have exceeded their weight limit, it is time to stop flying or throw out the baggage because you can't check them any more. Each flight creates more risk that your bags won't even show up at your destination.

If the Corps wanted you to have a family it would issue you one.

Motivating words for a young single kid looking to put notches on a belt and live life on an envelope.

Devastating words for the man that has to commit to nothing in order to commit to everything he has. And by everything I mean nothing worth living for, after all we only get medals and remembrance when we die. We all want to be Lieutenant Dan, but end up being half dead when we are most alive. Our reward is a white cross in a field full of forgotten soldiers who fought in a war that no one wanted, can't remember and whose glory lies buried in the frozen earth with its fighters.

Give your life to the Corps and that is exactly what it will take, everything else you have is collateral damage.

Don't get me wrong, I love it, but that is the price tag you pay...

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