Sunday, October 21, 2012

The Beach Chair Diaries

I just had an epiphany for a movie idea. It's a rip off of the Notebook and that movie with Keanu Reeves and that one girl from Speed... the Lake House. But it is from a guys perspective.

Basically this guy that is married to a beautiful woman who has come down with the terrible disease of becoming middle aged, lives on the beach. In the afternoons he takes his beach chair down to the sand where young women lay around shallowly dressed. As he sits on his chair lost and deployed in his thoughts of frustration a woman from the future that he can't see but knows is banging hot, appears in his diary that he brings with him to write in.

So as he is sitting there admiring the young girls he writes notes of fervor for a lost love he had in his current relationship. When he goes to turn the page in his dairy there is a written reply from this mystery woman. There is love, romance and passion.

Cut script, this would be a phenomenal movie idea yet since it is centered around a man, women already are bitching that he is mentally cheating on his poor aging wife. So in order to captivate the left over audience, the movie has to turn into a porno.

Or it could end up that the woman replying in the diary is really the man's wife writing in her diary in the beach house from the kitchen table. She is frustrated with her husband that has lost interest in her and as she looks out the window out on to the beach she sees him looking at the young girls and weeps. So she creates an alternate persona of a young attractive girl that has a relationship through a magic diary that is powered by tears!!!

Que intro music: Rupert Holmes... If you like piƱa coladas...

Title: The Kitchen Table Diaries

As she has this fictional relationship she discovers that her husband really isn't disgusted by her middle aged sagging body yet feeling insecurity in his own aging soul. He feels lost in his own aging body and feels a younger version of his wife would reload the testosterone in his life.

Title: The Beach House Diaries

I think now with the women's spin on it I'm back to a blockbuster movie. But why? Why must it always be from the women's perspective to be a romance novel and if not its filth?

If there is one thing I have been taught by society's standards is that men who seek romance are gay, unless that romance involves explicit sex scene and blowing shit up a la action movie style. And to be honest gays are taking that over as well. (Like there is an army of gays marching over men's security in manly events... uh, I guess that might actually be true.)

I think it is pathetic that we living in a world where we teach young boys that love is quantity and girls that love is about quality. No wonder relationships fail.

Title: The Dirty Dishes and Vacuum Diaries

When ever I think about love, I think about objects. That is how I have been programmed. And if I'm really in love that object gets titled feminine, her or she. Like referencing to my truck, "she is bad ass, I love her."

So by emotional default, women, when loved by men become objects. It's not that we want it that way, it is just how we are programmed.

Women on the other hand see love as magic, emotion and some senseless action that invokes rainbows and butterflies to spawn from the heavens. Women find love in holding hands, a kiss, talking and most of all hugging. Hugging for a man is a cheap way to feel the density of a women's breasts without getting slapped. Men correlate love directly to sexual acts, period.

Title: The Beach Hair Derriere

That sounds disgusting, but you get the point. I'm not treading any new water with all this, we all know the social stereotypes put on love. Yet when can we break through the social bondage to a place where men can feel and love like women? Yuck, I need to wash the gay off me after typing that. It just didn't feel right saying it. I suppose it has less to do with social engineering than innate characteristics. Damn you testosterone! I don't think a lion ever weeps for an emotional connection with its lionesses.

Nature versus nurture or maybe we just nurture nature.

I suppose in the end men are men and women are crazy, and so ends my screen writing days. This movie idea will get filed away with all the other failed ideas and I will have to secretly hide my starvation for emotion by watching Adam Sandler movies. I watch 50 First Dates and the Wedding Singer because they are funny, not because they are about a middle aged man lost in a material world looking for love amongst material girls, cue music...

I'm laying in bed typing this and my wife is laying next to me, sleeping. I am in love with her, but as she slumbers dreaming of me romancing her I realize I could totally cop a feel on her boobs or butt without having to hear her complain about something. Point proven.

Borrowed Faith

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