Sunday, June 8, 2014

In Famous

Death is the only way to permanently change one's mood or attitude. It is the ultimate status quo for being content. No more highs or lows, no more restless thoughts and the ultimate abandonment and loniliness. It is also the best way to be a victim, commanding immediate and lasting attention on others that know him. Yet it also provides the self knowing hate of others to be actualized. After all, others find the suicide victim to be a coward, selfish and unloved. Most others will ask themselves what more they could have done more to help him. They will abhor the relationship of the deceased while constantly pondering his existence. It is like becoming immortal in infamy.

There was no fame in life, so better to die in infamy. Remembered for ever in hate then to live forgotten in love.

Infamous. So famous you are infamous. 

You will not remember how I live, yet will never forget how I died.



I always had this insatiable hunger for something I couldn't define, except to call it the bottomless pit of need. Something that made me scared to get close to anybody for fear they'd discover I was rotten and disturbed. -Rachel Reiland

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Just Kidding... I Swear

It is easier to kill people then it is to tolerate them. Unfortunately killing is frowned up for some reason. I guess that is good news for 27 people I know. I guess laziness is really the savior here, I'm too lazy to hide the bodies. 

Monday, April 28, 2014


When you have taken the life of other human beings you become dull to tragedy and hypersensitive to life. Life under a magnifying glass, you look with a giant eye only burning the ants with the sun. Fucking ants. 

If you have never learned how to die you can never learn how to live.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Every Night

Last night for 5 straight hours I was trapped inside the enigma machine of sleep terror and paralysis. I had died in my sleep and woke up in a Dahli like surreal world trapped between life and death. The pain and terror of trying to figure out my own death was far too real and exists beyond the dream, like the movie Flatliners, I have crossed dead and living into both realities. Welcome to the fiction that my sleep calls life.

Saturday, February 15, 2014


I had a revelation in my medication induced sleep last night:

My purpose/suffering is to filter hate and violence that consumes me and exhale philanthropy and love. Even at the expense of my soul and sanity. Self destruction for the greater good.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Childhood Dreams

When I was a kid I always wanted to be a Serial Killer. But I was always picked last for the team because I was too small.

Failed at failing. Story of my life.

Wait till they see me smile and score! Put me in coach. I am ready to play.